That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
