we have officially lost it.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
