So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
