i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
