this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
