I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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