Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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