I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Floor bacon is actually really good
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
