omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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