I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Come back. Shots need mouths.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
