this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
