Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
