you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
It's Friday. Sex?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The air was thick with penises
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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