he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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