can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
