Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
