Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
The best revenge is premature balding
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
