Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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