wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
