I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I am one with the molecules
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
