The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
