i was rollin on her like bob the builder
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
