She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
