I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
