Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
