He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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