STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
