We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
