rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize