Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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