I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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