Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
