His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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