Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Randomize
