i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
