dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
