Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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