i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Randomize
