Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize