But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
