someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I think my moral compass just broke
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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