sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
