I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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