ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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