I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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