Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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