and next time when you feel me up, do it right
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
