I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
