She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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