bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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