I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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