I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
