she looked like the before picture.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
