there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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