Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
