Betty ford says i'm here all night
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
