I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
