After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just want nice things and good sex
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
