i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
