The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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