Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
