Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
