So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
