so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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