You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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