physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
