On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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