I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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