I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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