Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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