I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize