What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
