i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize