i barfeds in our rink
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
