when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
