I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
