I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
this is an emotional support booty call
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
