Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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