ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize