Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
