Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
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