if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
