yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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